Open Buddha

Open Source Buddhism, Technology, and Geekery
Bay Area, California

Wedding Today

I’m off in about half an hour to perform a wedding for some friends of mine. This will be the third wedding that I’ve done and the second that is for an ex of mine, technically.

The interesting thing about the ceremony, other than the fact that I am doing it, is that it is for two women and one man. Legally (paperwork, etc.) only two of them, Drake and Rubylou are getting married. J is a longterm partner to both of them (and has actually been with Drake for much longer) so the marriage, in spirit if not the eyes of the law, is for all three to one another. This makes for an interesting ritual dynamic in the ceremony, itself, since actions are not being done in pairs but in triplets. It is also interesting since, while not recognized by the law, this is a same same, polyamorous marriage and they are certainly treating it as such. The three of them already have two children together so this is more of a recognition of their existing, multiyear relationships, and a legal recognition for two of them (for many reasons).

This is my first wedding since 1998. Back then, I married Lesa to Stephen in a ceremony that Lesa had mostly written based on fairly standard post-Golden Dawn Hermetic symbolism. Since Lesa was (is?) a practitioner of Golden Dawn-derived work, it worked out well for them (Stephen didn’t have a preference). Lesa and I lived together for a couple of years following my first marriage so I was quite touched to be asked to do the ceremony.

Rubylou and I dated (whatever we called it) during the tail end of Lesa’s relationship with me. For those that don’t know, up until my relationship with my current wife, I was pretty active within the polyamorous community so many of the people I dated overlapped with one another as none of the relationships were exclusive. The relationships were generally well defined but not really approachable by conventional labels. When R (my wife) and I got together, we both stopped dating other people very quickly for a variety of reasons and we’ve been together for over five years now and married for a year and a half.

That’s all an aside though. Rubylou and I dated for a while (a year or two) and we’ve been extremely close since before we dated and have maintained that since that time, through a marriage and the birth of her children. I’ve known her for thirteen years or more (since I graduated college). I was extremely honored when she asked me to perform the ceremony about a month ago.

Hopefully, the three of them are happy with the result. I’ll probably post the ceremony later if they say that they don’t mind.